The Adult life deficit

Today I woke up and just felt like absolute hell. My head was pounding, my throat hurt and my body felt like I’d just gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.


(emotionally not physically)

There’s no reason for it. I got enough sleep, I ate well yesterday, did some exercise, didn’t get drunk and definitely didn’t get my ear bitten off. It’s happened on and off for a couple of years now but more and more it’s becoming a frequent occurrence, like I’ve got the worst hangover of my life but with none of the fun the night before.

Today I realised why. It’s the teen to adult deficit. When I was a teenager I’d stay up all night playing video games and eating junk then go out with my friends the next day riding bikes or making lip synced rap videos and never feel any negative side effects (aside from those videos playing constantly in my head every night as an example of how uncool I am). I thought I was invincible, in fact I didn’t even think about what affect any of it was having on my body because I couldn’t feel any of it at all. I just assumed my body could deal with everything I was throwing at it. How wrong I was.

What was actually happening was my body was forming a book of grudges, a list of grievances it had against me, and gradually it was getting angrier until one day around my 30th birthday it decided enough was enough and started to unleash it’s now unstoppable ire.


(Pictured: Ire)

“Remember that time you ate an entire bakewell tart for breakfast and washed it down with two pints of banana milkshake? Well guess what HERE’S THE NAUSEA AND MIGRAINE!”

“Remember going out clubbing with a group of friends and tequila was buy one get one free and they threw you out of the bar for taking your top off then woke up the next morning in time for an 8am lecture on statistical analysis? FEEL THE PAIN!”

“Now we’re going to be sick for no apparent reason, don’t worry it’s just from when you ate sausages you’d left on the side for 3 days and used sambuca to take the weird aftertaste away. I know it’s been 12 years but it’s time to pay the piper”

Now I’ve worked this out I am terrified of what’s coming. There’s definitely a couple of birthdays I shouldn’t have walked away from.

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