Halloween more like Shalloween

It’s that time again. Across the worlds thousands of gourds, young and old, face persecution at the hands of judgemental adults and overenthusiastic children. They will be slashed with knives, gouged with spoons and paraded in public. All of this in the name of beauty!


(Oh god they’re scooping out it’s brains! THEY’RE SCOOPING OUT IT’S BRAINS!)

The poor naive squashes are lured into supermarkets with the promise of a better life, they have migrated for months to find better housing and cooler climates. The supermarket managers leave trails of half burnt candles and promises of a future as a delicious homemade pie but once the Pumpkins are inside those welcoming automatic doors the nets come down. They will now spend a lifetime in darkness as they are blinded with stickers and piled together in giant containers. The poor victims at the bottom of the pile are often dead long before their fellows are pulled off of them, sometimes being left for weeks before being discovered.


(Lt. Dieter Von Kimmler is directly responsible for the imprisonment of Pumpkins at Tesco Extra Norwich, behind him are the mass graves which the squashes are forced to dig themselves)

It’s tough in the wild for a young gourd. This year the focus on Christmas comes too early and suddenly pumpkin spiced lattes and pumpkin pies are ignored in favour of cinnamon and mince pies. October should be a time of industry for the pumpkins but instead it’s become a beauty industry nightmare.

Of course it’s only pretty pumpkins are exploited this way, the ones not fitting into the media driven body image are thrown out into the streets to fend for themselves while their beautiful brothers are forced into cramped boxes.


(They were told these photos were tasteful and would only be used for their portfolios, how wrong they were)

Once out on the streets these gourds often face horrible mental disabilities after their traumatic ordeal. Often resorting to binge eating in order to get into the body image their society has forced upon them. Body dismorphic disorder is rife and mirrors can be the Pumpkin’s worse enemies.

Even the pumpkins who escape this forced imprisonment are subjected to the worse kind of treatment. After being separated from their “ugly” siblings they are suddenly set upon with surgical instruments and carved up in the name of the holidays. Their faces scarred into permanent smiles or sliced with ritualistic markings they are left tortured and maimed.


(I can still hear their screams)

Please I implore you this Halloween wear your orange wristband with pride showing your support for Pumpkins worldwide. Together we can free the gourds.


(Orange wristbands available from http://www.freethepumpkins.org for £3.99)


  1. I seriously love your blog.. Great colors & theme.
    Did you build this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my very own blog and want to find out where you got this from or just what the theme is called.
    Thank you!

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