I’ve taken up a new hobby. The wonders of modern advertising have shown me how much fun you can have with a dirty penny, some cleaning products and a fish tank.



(my wallet is now filled with half clean pennies, I paid my rent like this)

I didn’t even have a fish tank, I had to buy one specifically so I could half dip shit in while the kids watched. Now I don’t clean anything in my house if it can’t be half dipped in a fish tank while I scream BANG!

The kids hadn’t seen a fish tank before. We’ve been banned from Pets at Home after they spent half an hour screaming BANG at fish tanks while dunking clown fish half in the water, we were asked to leave after a Koi burst from fear.



(BANG! and the fish are gone)

In fact the power of Cillit Bang‘s advertising has had such a massive impact on my life that I have to announce my name loudly when I meet new people.





Which doesn’t work very well at weddings, job interviews or during intercourse. Thankfully this replaces my normal practise of quoting my favourite movies as I reach climax.



(John Connor?)

The new advert for Cillit Bang has Barry Scott half cleaning a key and before I’d seen this I’d never realised how dirty my keys really were and how much they needed to be half cleaned, I mean for Christ’s sake how can I call myself a man if my keys are encrusted with filth? I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t make love to my girlfriend. All I can think about is cleaning those keys, but only halfway up and only if I can see the cleaning actually take place through thick glass.



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