Family gatherings and other ulcer inducing activities

Yesterday my family had a massive party for Rayne turning 6. There was a giant banner with a dinosaur and her name on it, there was a BBQ and there were loads of presents. Essentially it was every child’s dream come true. Then the bouncy castle arrived and everyone lost their shit.


(I’ve just eaten 4lbs of coloured sugar LETS BOUNCE!)

I totally get the attraction of bouncy castles. They combine two things kids love, bouncing and damaging other children accidentally. They let children burn off all the sugar they’ve consumed during the party and they give an outlet to all the hyperactivity induced from the food colouring that’s currently turning there pee blue.

Woe betide the adult that gets on a bouncy castle.


(I can’t wait to jump on your groin while giggling, welcome to your balls’ worst nightmare)

If you’re an adult getting on a bouncy castle you’re either taking a younger child on there to experience it for the first time, in which case you are now putting that child in the most dangerous situation of it’s fragile life while you try to stay on your feet as other children try to jump on the younger one, or you are getting on there to try and get your own spawn off. In the latter situation good luck.


(you came to the wrong neighbourhood motherfucker)

An adult on a bouncy castle is as welcome as a pubic hair in a wedding cake. I did find out that you can hire bouncy castles for adult parties so that is going to happen. Expect my next birthday to involve bouncy castles, jelly shots and dressing up as Sesame Street characters.

We all had an excellent day, Rayne got all of her family in one place celebrating her birthday for the first time ever and I ate so much coloured icing that later on after a bowel movement I thought the cookie monster was crawling out of the toilet.

On a seperate note the Frog and Bucket sent through my winning vid so if you have a chance head over to YouTube and take a look – Me winning Beat the Frog


  1. I made the mistake of going on the bouncy castle at a fete with a load of Brownies. I was a Brownie leader at the time. They all jumped on my head and so did their nits.

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