The emperor’s new jeans

Shopping for clothes. I know just reading those three words has already put you in one of two camps. You’re either one of those people who get excited about going clothes shopping or you’re one of those people who feign serious/terminal illness when the subject comes up. I used to fall into the latter category and one time I even walked into a busy road just so I wouldn’t have to help my girlfriend choose a pair of new black work trousers from a selection of six different pairs. I still to this day do not know what the difference was between any of them but at least my pelvis has recovered from where the transit van hit me at 65mph.


(although during recovery I told everyone it was due to my sexual prowess and they’d had to put Little Chris in his own cast)

That was until I went to New Life. I’ll let you go and visit that site but don’t be away for too long. Lots to see, people to do.

Basically they are an indoor jumble sale. Clothes are donated to them from the major superstores and retail outlets, they’re end of season or a bit damaged (some are a lot damaged and basically just rags with zips sewn into the front of them). It doesn’t sound amazing does it? Well here come the amazings.

You want a new pair of River Island shoes for £3? BAM! You got it. You want some GAP jeans for £1.99? KAPOW! You’re already wearing them! You want a Karen Millen handbag, brand new and sparkly, for less than £30? BOOM! It’s yours! You want a cashmere winter coat for less than a pint of milk! SHAZAM! Your wish is granted (though you may need to sew on a button or two).



(I swear to God I didn’t know I was even spending money, I came in here to get change for the car park. It cost more to park than it did to shop!)

The best thing about them though is 40p in every £1 goes to helping disabled children, so you even feel good about spending money. Now when I spend money on clothing elsewhere I feel guilty. I bought a pair of socks at Tesco for £2 the other day and I thought to myself “That’s 80p little Jimmy won’t be getting towards his new iron lung, I’m such a bad person”. I can’t live with that kind of guilt!



(Oh you got a new pair of boots from John Lewis, that’s nice. No no it’s ok I didn’t want physiotherapy anyway. I like sitting down)

So wherever you are in the country you should make a special trip to New Life (it’s in Cannock which is in the West Midlands, somewhere near Birmingham. Look on the damn map on their site alright I’m not Google). Maybe you’ll pick up something nice and maybe with those prices you’ll try something you’d never think of trying, I know there’s a lot of guys out there wondering how they’d look in jeggings.

conan in jeggings


(The answer is not great. Back, sack AND crack all visible but I respect you trying new things just don’t do it around where I’m eating)

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